Internship Week 2

How has or do you see your internship changing the way you consider that paths your future will take?
A while ago I read a book that I felt I connected with on many different levels. In the last chapter, the main character says something that stuck with me. I had thought this way for many years, I just could never find the right words for it. In this book by Ellen Hopkins, Pattyn, the main character, is feeling confused and has feels as if she had nothing left to live for. "I am sitting on the hard cement railing of a freeway overpass. Legs dangling, I watch the unrelenting motion of normal people in daily transit. Mind-boggling, how so many separate lives travel in such a remarkable unison. Soul searching, I know that I will never squeeze into such a common mold." I always felt like I didn't belong. Every day I would wake up to see my dad wake up to go to work. He would do the same thing every single day, and had been doing the same thing for many years. On the weekends, he would say that he was tired and didn't feel the need to do anything else than just sit around and watch TV. I saw many people living the same day over and over again, and I couldn't help but wonder, "isn't life to short to live the same day twice?" I promised myself I would never fall into this trap that these people call life. I had forgotten about this philosophy of mine until I started my internship. I thought that maybe it was important to find a reliable job and live on a steady income, and I was determine to dedicating my life to special education. Though it is something I still know I want to do in my future, I just don't think it's what I want to do for a living. I sometimes fear that my reasoning immature and I will wake up one day and regret my decisions, but this internship has taught me that only a few lucky people end up doing what they love for a living, and I haven't found what it is I love yet, so I need to keep looking. Before these past two weeks I had a plan. I was going to follow a certain path that was reliable and safe. Today, I don't know what the future has in store for me, but I am excited to find out.

What is the biggest challenge face at your internship?
One thing I learned while working at Explorer Elementary that I did not expect to learn was that as badly as one may want it, we cannot always help everybody as much as we'd like. I noticed that some kids are very behind and their capacities are not as advanced as others. It really makes me want to blame the parents that the kids don't know their alphabet when the rest of the class already knows how to read and write. It is important to always keep in mind that life is not fair. I would quickly judge the parents for their child's progress in school, but after talking to some teachers, I learned that some kids that are behind are that way because their parents are unable to help them out with their school work at home. There are single moms who have to work many hours a day breaking their backs to care for their children. They leave their children at school in programs that allow them to stay late giving the parents more time to work, and when they finally pick up their children and home, the exhaustion is just too much. It makes me angry that there are many different cases that keep the children from moving forward along with the rest of the kids and that some of them who are not exercising their brains and will always find it hard to move forward. I get really stressed out and wish that I could dedicate more time to each of the kids who need me the most, but the I would be neglecting the ones who I believe don't need me as much and that would be unfair to them. I understand why the teachers seem so relieved when they receive help from volunteer workers and teachers aides. I had forgotten how much I really learned when I was in elementary. It is where it all began. I will never again underestimate the job of an elementary teacher.